The Dangerous Truth About AI Coaching (It's Not Actually Coaching)

I've seen the notion recently of people using "AI Coaches" — that is, using it to get feedback to mentor and guide you to action.

Heck, I've even used the language...before clarifying that by coach I really mean thing that asks me the most likely questions I didn't think of.

It almost always ends the same way: me challenging the AI, and then it responding, "You're absolutely right..." before backing its way into my line of thinking. And look...even as someone who thinks he's right a lot, there's no way I'm "absolutely right" every time I talk to the AI.

Because here's the truth: AI cannot, and can never be, your coach. LLMs are information aggregators. They don't think. They don't know you. And if a chat goes on too long, it will get confused.

The best they can do is tell you the most statistically likely answer. That's not coaching. That's a faster, less accurate form of Googling.

It’s like when you’re at a bar and your friend says, “I think Morgan Freeman is dead,” because they saw someone tweet it.

AI for Finding Blind Spots

I suspect (though I haven't done the legwork) that when most people say, 'AI Coach', they really mean they're using AI to ask them the most obvious questions and hopefully surface any blindspots.

That's something that I call "rubber ducking" (though my opinion, like AI itself, is changing quickly). I'll ask it questions about my own assumptions, and hope it surfaces something that I didn't consider.

I'll also ask it about wording — I tend to focus on more technical terms, or terms my larger audience doesn't usually use.

In that instance, I'm literally looking for the most statistically likely wording.

For those who are using AI as an actual coach, what they're actually doing is outsourcing their critical thinking.

"Can You Just Do It For Me?"

Whenever one of my 3 kids needs something, they'll ask me if I can help them.

I'll usually tell them try it themselves, then talk them through how to do it. Inevitably, they end up asking the question they really meant. "Can't you just do it for me?"

If it's outside their actual ability (lifting something heavy, or reading something well beyond their reading level), sure, I'll do it. But if it's something I think they can do, I'll work with them until they can do it themselves.

Guess how many times they ask for help the next time when I do it for them vs. when they do it.

When we use an "AI Coach" to think for us, we don't really understand how we're solving a problem, so we don’t retain much at all. All we’re doing is ticking the box.

This isn’t just a problem in the AI space, either. Learning retention increases when the amount of hands-on work increases.

That's why most coaches don't do the work for you. They ask you questions, and tell you stories based on your personality and the way you work, and a bunch of other ineffable inputs that AI could never know — nor would it consider.

That's because it's not actually there to help you — its primary objective is to placate you.

You're Absolutely Right

The biggest sign of this is when you push back on an AI at all.

Even in my projects where I give it clear instructions on what to consider, and how to push back on me, it defaults to friendliness.

In one project, it will always very clearly label its pushback.

”…but to pushback on this…"

"Here's my pushback…"

"But wait — let me push back a bit…"

It wants me to know it's doing exactly what I've told it to do.

And of course, when I tell it it's wrong, I get told I'm, "absolutely right."

I won’t sit here and say you shouldn’t use AI. While I’m strongly considering using it a lot less, I know there is a lot of utility to make our lives a lot easier.

But if you want to actually learn something, get real outside perspective, and grow, you won’t be able to do that with AI.

This is one of the dangers of automation, AI, and delegation. When you view them as shortcuts, you run the risk of shortcutting the wrong thing.

I’ve fallen into the same trap. I’ve tried to delegate out relationship building. I’ve tried to automate the wrong processes. I’ve tried to use AI to create actual business assets.

Each time I ended up wasting time or money, or losing credibility.

Do the Hard Work

Using AI can be good for a lot of things. It proofread this article for me. It helped me come up with a vacation SOP to help me think of things I wouldn’t have (like shutting off the main water valve).

But the hard work — the work that requires skill, knowledge, or experience — you can’t trust AI for that.

AI is way more an information aggregator than a coach.

Of course, if you’re just looking for something to give you some confirmation bias, and think an “AI Coach” will help with that, well, you’re absolutely right.